cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
