Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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