worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
