I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize