we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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