lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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