Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
