can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
