I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
