its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
