you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize