so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
