Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize