im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
