when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I understand Curling. That high.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
