You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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