theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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