I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize