i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
