Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
