I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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