I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
