pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
