I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He better not be in your backpack
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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