I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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