you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize