Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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