You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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