i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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