woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
