I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
