i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
