put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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