I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
