Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
