Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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