my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
