Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
