Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
