i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
