I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you never un-have a 4some
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
