ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're like the curious george of whores
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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