yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
