I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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