she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
