she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
