just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
