They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
