Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
