I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
