Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
