um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
