i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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