god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
