I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
