We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
even my farts smell like vagina
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Im part way to drunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
