I just pynch a tree in the face
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
