Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I could fuck to npr.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
