and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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