the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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