i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
