im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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