what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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