it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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