i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
