Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
